This is puzzling. You find yourself ding something very much, without a good reason. And without enjoying it. You saY it is an impulse. Maybe you are right, but it is strange. If you love yorlf you act out of loving a did and out of enjoyment, not out of an impulse that you do not enjoy.
This is true. This is what taught me a happy and smart person, whose first advice for life was " do nkt take life seriously"
Yet, I do not advice fighting ferociously one's impulses. Fighting nature can be worse than accepting it, and it's sometimes stupid. Also, sometimes our impulses are smarter than our logic.
All these distorted and contrived logics for impulses etc. Do not hide the fact that I started with. Remember this!