Dating failure can be a blessing in disguise.
When things do not work with someone, it can feel that "had I done X, i might have worked"
But the failure helps you to avoid getting in love with this person which you are likely incompatible with. Sometimes, obviously it will be an accidental problem in the date. But many times, the failed date is a good selection system to avoid exactly those people that are not that compatible.
A study shows that many students become less interested in academic careers throughout their PhD years.
It sounds depressing "this arduous system is de-motivating students from becoming academics".
Reading the study above, however, it becomes clear that students' preferences get crystalized over the arduous process.
Maybe academia is better off when it only keeps the people really in love with reading papers and publishing them. Assuming those are somewhat good proxies for useful scholars.....
When things do not work with someone, it can feel that "had I done X, i might have worked"
But the failure helps you to avoid getting in love with this person which you are likely incompatible with. Sometimes, obviously it will be an accidental problem in the date. But many times, the failed date is a good selection system to avoid exactly those people that are not that compatible.
A study shows that many students become less interested in academic careers throughout their PhD years.
It sounds depressing "this arduous system is de-motivating students from becoming academics".
Reading the study above, however, it becomes clear that students' preferences get crystalized over the arduous process.
Maybe academia is better off when it only keeps the people really in love with reading papers and publishing them. Assuming those are somewhat good proxies for useful scholars.....
Why does this surprise us?
Our intuition isn't as above. Why?
1) We consider - justly - pain and failure as bad.
But bad locally doesn't always mean overall bad.
Of course rejection is painful. But getting rejected by an incompatible person is generally good (ignoring the fateful night spent).
2) The other issue is strategic / society wide vs. personal.
Society benefits when incompatible students drop of the scholarship world.
But those students might actually lose somewhat.
3) We assume a rational just world.
It feels as if students going to study have to succeed.
It does not "make sense" such obscene irrationality is so pervasive.
But.. lots of irrationality and stupidity do exist. We need to accept that many pain s are worthwhile if they fix stupidity. Because letting stupidity go on can be more painful than cutting it short with a jolt
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