Being a oprhan with parents, I remember the pain of hanging out with freinds who had intact homes. I walk in, a nice house, organized, a little bit too organized to my taste. and I am getting all anxious. The pain of why I do not have it was unbearable.
Result. One forget what good and nice is. It is different from sour grapes. Because here one does not think his situation is good. He simply cannot bear the pain of seeing the goods he does not have.
Result. One get even more distant from what he addmited is good.
Choosing my company has suffered from a similar problem. I met today a person I consider a real person. a strong person. a person that aside from being strong and sounding smart, knows how to experinece life.
While talking, I spoke theoretically about one of my weakness without eluding to myself. She offered that this level of stupidity ois not worth talking about.
It was so painful to hear. I almost thought that I am not smart talking to her.
It took some hours to realize that I want to be around people whose ideas and perceptions are great and balanced, even if there is pain of experiencing my misdeeds.
I want to be influenced by the smart and happy. EVEN if it reminds me on my sufferings and stupidity. You want to be affected from the best.
PS. It involves pain. But this is yet another expertise to bear pain without getting lost, or escaping at any price.